I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
