I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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