I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
