There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
