I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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