youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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