His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
So. Much. Porn.
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