Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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