I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
