Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
