How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
This is the high leading the old right now
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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