So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize