She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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