We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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