I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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