i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
