i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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