taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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