but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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