I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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