dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
