I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
