Me too!
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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