Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
She needs sedatives and a leash
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
