By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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