I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
