jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
