I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
