He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
