Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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