end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
