he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize