So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.