I wish my penis had an off switch
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.