dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
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This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
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Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?