11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
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I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
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You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough