I think i peed on brittanys purse
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.