I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick