her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
Pick me up at 9.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!