I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
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I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
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I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!