you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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