I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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