clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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