I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
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Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
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I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Randomize