I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
