Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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