the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
