new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
