I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
