I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
