we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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