Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
