He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
