i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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