I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
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but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
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I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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