That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
