He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
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Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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