Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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