she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
