So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
pray to the hookup gods
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
