Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
