my mouth tastes like poor choices
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
