I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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