I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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